the best cakes to apologize to your MIL for being the wrong religion

1. A Layer Cake

Don’t bring a dump cake into this woman’s home. Don’t bring a poke cake. Leave your in-the-pan sheet cake at home. Let her know you mean business: buy several 6” or 8” cake rounds from Shmichael’s Crafts and meticulously cut those wax paper rounds to slide those patties out of your buttered pans like Paul Hollywood is breathing down your neck. You should really consider fully recreating the cake from Sleeping Beauty, which is apparently a thing that is happening in some people’s kitchens. Basically, your goal should be not knowing how you will transport the cake to her home; and, ideally, this should cause an argument between you and your partner.

2. Upside Down Blood Orange Cake

Follow the Bon Appetit version, not the New York Times version. I’m not going to waste any more time discussing this cake, which is bittersweet perfection, but instead let you know that the title of this post was supposed to be, “The Best Cakes to Apologize to Your MIL for Deflowering Her Favorite Son,” but that became A Problem in my marriage. However, and not to change the subject, I think we should really normalize fetishizing the virginity of cishet young men.

3. Lemon Raspberry Meringue Cake

The best part of this cake is that you will fail at making the meringue. I’m not even going to include a link; I’m confident you’ll mess up any kind of meringue cake you find on the internet. I’m sorry, but it will defeat you. Your partner will encounter you, coated in flour and your own tears, on the floor of your kitchen. I encourage you, however, to still plate your disaster of a cake. Put it on a cake stand, and present it to your mother-in-law, like the failure that you are, as well. She will find it to be an endearing acknowledgment of your continued presence in the family.

4. Strawberry Shortcake

If your in-laws are from up north, make this on sugared biscuits. They will lose their fucking minds.